CAPTAIN NEMO SEEING HIS SHADOW

CAPTAIN NEMO DIVING BACK INTO HIS HOLE

Once again a job well done by Captain Nemo.

STARRING IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE:

Our story begins with the eruption of Mount Redoubt in Alaska. This was not only an ominous omen, (since climbers don’t really like mountains disappearing), but it delayed Pamela’s departure from Alaska by about a week. The effect this has on your average offwidth ninja is something akin to putting scotch tape on the pads of a cat. (Taught to me by a vet of all people. Try it, the results are entertaining.) Anyway, we make it to Joshua Tree and meet up with Jay Anderson (who Pamela has wanted to meet as he’s the first ascensionist of Lucille, a 5.13 offwidth thats been downrated to .12d and is in reality probably just a series of 5.8+ moves, but I digress…) So we meet up with Jay Anderson and a group of ageing offwidthers, the self proclaimed widefetish gang. This proves to be an entertaining first evening at the FISH compound due to copious ammounts of alcohol and some gasoline and rags since there was no LSD available.

The next morning, Pamela and I head out to find The Inquisition, which the widefetish crew has assured us is a heinous boulder problem. Now, you might think that The Inquisition would be located at Inquisition Rock. If this is so, you would be sadly mistaken. Pamela and I spent 40 days and 40 nights wandering in the desert and saw no sign of The Inquisition. Later in the day, we found out that it was located below The Rusty Wall. Once we had that information Pamela managed to make quick work of this boulder problem. (If you’re really into wasting time, watch what I believe is the all-time funniest climbing video ever of Russ and Will working on this problem at http://www.fishproducts.com/movies/inqusition_small.mov but you’ll need bandwidth for it.)

A side by side comparison of offwidth ninja technique vs. white trash technique

Pamela looking comfortably batty

hj looking batty and uncomfortable

Pamela getting after it

HJ trying to get it

Differences between a true aficionado and your average weekend warrior are well illustrated by these images. Notice the subtle differences in body position: Pamela has wedged her entire body into the crack and is moving on an arm-bar, HJ is half in-half out of the crack and is pretending his right palm might actually help him. Notice the differences in clothing choices: Pamela is sporting black and blue, which will match her body color after she has finished the climb, HJ is wearing shades of green which will match the color of his face when he falls out of this thing.

The week pretty much went on in the following vein. We’d spend evenings at The FISH compound working our core muscles by laughing hysterically at Russ Wallings stories of YOSAR folks on LSD. I would con Pamela into doing some 5.10 classic that turned out to be heinously sandbagged, then we’d wander the desert looking for obscure offwidth boulder problems.

Pamela searching for "Throbbing Gristol" turns out we were right on top of it

I took some nice scenic shots, some color, some with my panaramic camera (all film).

sunrise, real hidden valley

the outback

cactus flower

red desert flowers

late afternoon near barker dam

On our second to the last day of our trip, we went out to The Inquisition with the widefetish gang and played around some more. Pamela showed everyone else how to crank offwidths, and the rest of us fell alot. We also worked on another boulder problem and did Wanger Banger and O’Kellys Crack on The Rusty Wall.

Beth, Jay, Billy and Will hanging out

On our last day Pamela was still mad for more punishment so we went back out to Throbbing Gristol, this time managing to find it. It was a probably a good place to be as it was in a shady, cool coridor and it was an absurdly hot day.

Pamela displaying her large units

"This is real work"

UNBELIEVABLY this was a very succesful trip despite ridiculous odds. I learned how to climb upside down. Pamela learned the subtleties of walking five miles to climb twenty feet. We met the Widefetish Crew and achieved double workouts by climbing all day and laughing all night. We arrived home battered and bruised. What more could you want from a spring vacation?

everything you need to climb offwidths

Somehow Mike Finkel talked me into this. I believe the line that suckered me in was “how often do you get to do something you’ve never done before?” I mean, it’s tough to argue with logic like that. So on New Years Day, along with a large group of individuals of questionable rationality I participated in a Polar Bear Club Swim.

Statistics:

Air Temperature: 32 degrees Fahrenhite

Water Temperature: 32 degrees Fahrenhite

Methodology of creating pool: Chainsaw through the ice

Thickness of ice: 7 inches

Longest Swim: Mike Finkel with 5 laps

Greatest Number of Entries into the water: HJ with two

HJ Diving In

It takes a certain lack of thinking to dive into freezeing cold water. I’d tell you what it felt like, but I don’t remember, even after having done it twice. I guess it’s just one of those in the moment things.

Mike Finkel "Resting" While Swimming Laps

Mike made quite a show of his swim. He would swim a length, climb partially out of the water, and then drop back in very slowly to swim another length. As mentioned above he managed to do this five times.

HJ Swimming Laps

So, just because I didn’t get all that cold the first time, or, just because I’m ridiculously competitive, I had another go at this to see if I could swim five laps. I chose to emply a non-dallying technique figuring that my only real chance was to swim as fast as I could and keep my muscles moving. On my third lap, my muscles stopped listening to my brain, and I decided it might be best to end this particular experiment.

HJ Drying Off

As you can see, I survived the ordeal, along with everyone else. You can see that my one remaing brain cell is continueing to function normally by the smile on my face in reaction to the pretty girl.

I start up the gully, climbing easily. After all, it’s barely 5.0, and even I can climb this, even at 215 pounds and a 38″ waist. I scrabble up to the wormhole, and peer through it dubiously. How the hell do you squeeze through that? I ask myself. The alternative is a lefthand jump across to a fin with good holds, but it is a bit of a jump. The wormhole is definitely easier, if you’re a skinny little dwarf. It’s obvious that HJ would have had to pull himself up and around with the useless left arm on the alt route, so his choice makes perfect sense. For him.

For me, however, this is a struggle. I stand on the flat platform below the wormhole and push my pack up to HJ. Then my arms go and I manage to wiggle my shoulders through, too. For a minute it looks like I might fit. Then I realize that I have three ‘biners, a cleaning tool and a chalk bag strung out on my harness loops. I shove mightily, but I can’t get my encumbered hips through the hole. The voices we heard earlier have become attached to faces now — George Hurley and his friends Bob, Lisa & another friend, are waiting for us to clear the rap station. Lisa takes pictures of me. How embarassing. I try to look noble. George is laughing. HJ is laughing. I am desperately hoping my bony ass is not stuck permanently in this hole. I imagine how cold it must get at night in late August in the Cathedral Spires. Not too cold, but lonely. I wiggle around some more. No go.

I consider removing the impediments. The thought of being permanently stuck in the wormhole does not make me feel better about this alternative, however, so I opt for the clever retreat. HJ rigs another loop in the rope, and tosses it around the side. I climb back down to a firm stance and retie into the rope and scramble up around the other side. Cheers greet me. Better than catcalls, I guess. I actually prefer the challenge of going around — it’s a few holds of maybe 5.7, and for three or four minutes I was actually climbing.We take some photos, and then HJ and I went on to the top, while George and friends rapped off.The rest of the climb is easy and loads of fun. We whomp up one of the two main towers on Spire Four, and at the top of the second pitch, there is a little gap to jump over at the rap bolts. HJ offers to let me lead, but I’ve already lost enough skin to the wormhole. He hops over and up and I follow. The weather is perfect and so is the view. We pause, we sign the register (fairly new PVC tube) and rap back off in time for dinner. Good times.

A small addition: here’s a pic of James on top of Spire IV

George Hurley and friends at the Spire IV belay, right above the wormhole. Clockwise from the lower left are Lisa, George, Bob and Peggy.

The view from the top of Spire IV, with Spire III and Spire II on the left and in the middle.

This is a view of the Cathedral Spires in the Black Hills of South Dakota from the southeast. The right hand side is spire 9.

Hey guys, do we really want to go through this again? Notice that Greg is smiling.

The evening of July 5th, Mike Harrelson, his son Clyde, Kale Krieger and myself headed over to the Beartooths to do a quick campout and ski trip. The trip over to Red Lodge was fairly painless as Clyde took on driving duties, Kale rode shotgun and sorted out music and Mike and myelf lounged in the back of the minivan. Who says having teenage boys is without it’s advantages?

We stopped in Red Lodge for some eats at the Boxcar Diner. Everyone but lactose intolerant boy had huckleberry milkshakes, and Mike ordered up some onion rings of which everyone partook, causing gastric anomalies for the rest of the trip.We than proceeded to the East Rock Creek Road and camped at a forest service campground. Due to our inability to get out of camp before 7:30 a.m. we were hit up for the camping fee by the local geriatric campground host. He did, however, manage to give us change for our twenty.

Our first stop on Le Tour de Beartooth was the Gardiner Headwall. This was Clyde and Kale’s first foray into the Beartooth ski world, so we stopped and looked at the run before driving to the top.

Clyde and Kale with the Gardiner Headwall in the background, just left of Clyde

Kale, Clyde and HJ at the top of the Gardiner Headwall.

We did two runs down the Gardiner Headwall. The first run we went down the bowl, and the second run we negotiated the cornice and skied down the guts of the couloir.

Kale dropping over the cornice with high style.

HJ using conservative tactics.

Kale skiing the Gardiner Headwall.

HJ skiing the Gardiner Headwall.

Kale, Mike (eating a bagel), and Clyde at the bottom of the Gardiner Headwall, the bowl is behind on the right and the Headwall Couloir is on the left.

After our runs on the Gardiner Headwall, we crossed the road and dropped into a little more challenging line.
HJ pointing out the line to Kale and Clyde.

It never looks as steep looking uphill: Kale, Clyde and HJ skiing a line across the road from the Gardiner Headwall.

What goes down must hike back out. Kale and Clyde booting uphill.

HJ being totally psyched to be skiing in July again.

After doing the line across the road from the Gardiner Headwall, (don’t you love these great names? I’m sure we had a real name for this in my youth, but I don’t remember it now), we went to the other side of the pass. Some young shredders had made a giant cheese wedge there and were hucking themselves off the thing.

An unknown hucker.

Kale getting so much air he can’t stay in the picture frame.

While Kale was busy launching himself, Mike, Clyde, myself and another pinner named Jeff hiked up to ski a steep chute off the ridge line, across from the chute ’57 chevy.

The cheese wedge and the Beartooth Highway, which makes all of this possible.

Clyde at the top of the narrow chute across from ’57 Chevy.

Clyde dropping in. Notice the tiny skiers at the bottom of the chute.

As we were hiking out to the car, lightning started striking and it started raining, so it was time to say adios to the Beartooths.

Thanks to Mike Harrelson for the photos.